


Lifeboat

by LargePumpkin



Series: Lams one shots [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is anxious, Lifeboat, M/M, The heathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9838247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LargePumpkin/pseuds/LargePumpkin
Summary: Alex is having an anxiety attack and is quietly singing Lifeboat from The Heathers and crying in his bathroom. He tries to take a lot of anxiety pills but John stops himPrompt 7: "I almost lost you."





	

Tears trailed down Alex's cheek as he sat on the cold floor of his bathroom. John was in the other room watching T.V. He held his medication bottle in his hands. Slowly Alex lowered his head and with a shaky voice started singing.

"I float in a boat, in a raging black ocean. Low in the water, with nowhere to go."

More tears came and he lowered his voice so John wouldn't hear. 

"The tiniest lifeboat. With people I know. Cold, clammy, and crowded the people smell desperate, we'll sink any minute someone has to go. The tiniest lifeboat. With people I know" 

Tears were coming faster now and it was hard to keep his voice down.

"Everyone's pushing! Everyone's fighting! Storms are approaching, there's nowhere to hide! If I say the wrong thing, or I wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side!"

With that, he put a handful of pills in his mouth. Alex's heart speed up even faster as he heard rapid footsteps. He had forgotten to be quiet. Right now Alex wanted to run but was too tired to even swallow the pills. The door was locked but John picked it in record time. He was immediately on his knees with Alex and he opened his mouth. The pills fell out and at that moment the two broke down. John didn't want to lose Alex. His Alex. His precious boyfriend, co worker, best friend, the best thing that had happened since he had been kicked out of his house when he came out. 

Alex had saved him from killing himself and he had to keep him alive. Alex was embarrassed. Embarrassed and ashamed. The voice in his head was louder than the two boys sobbing and holding each other. "You can't handle being alive and you even failed at dieing" the voice was telling him. These thoughts only made him hold John tighter. 

When the two calmed down, John took Alex's head in his hands. "Why? Why did you want to leave? I almost lost you."

Alex looked down. "I couldn't handle it. I'm never happy unless I'm with you, and I can't burden you with myself all the time." With that John almost started crying all over again. 

"If you were happy all the time, you wouldn't be human. You'd be a game show host." Alex cracked a small smile at that, but tears still stained his cheeks. "You could never burdan me. You're what makes me happy."

They hugged again and focused on each other. They stayed like that for a while. Alex spoke quietly. "I have too much chaos in my head right now."

John smiled. "Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling. The fact that you're still here is a pretty good feat." He paused. "I love you. So much. I could never lose you."

"I love you too. So much more than you could imagine."

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr and we can yell about stuff :) https://www.tumblr.com/blog/largepumpkin  
> Please comment and give kudos because i live off of attention  
> P.S. You're going to get 2 or 3 fics from me tonight because I'm having a really bad day so i'm projecting my feeling on characters. If you ever need advice or need to talk, message me on tumblr because my blog is an accepting place. Stay safe sweethearts <3


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